Ellen Shares the Results of Her Blood Type Diet

– Happy New Year, everybody.[ APPLAUSE] You’re the seri–and I’m going to say this seri– you’re the bestaudience we’ve had all year.[ APPLAUSE] Isn’t that funny? It’s 2019. It’s exciting tostart a new time. It’s full of possibilities. If you– look to yourright, everybody. Look to your privilege. Now, look to your left. One of you will be hostingthe Oscars this year.[ APPLAUSE] Congratulations. You had a goodholiday, everybody?[ CHEERING] Yeah? Oh, good. Good. I tried to focus onwhat was important– dining as much as I couldbefore I had to go on a diet. That’s what I did. Each year, everyone’snumber one answer is to lose weight. And there’s a newdiet each year. They ever seem so promising. Last-place year, I tried somethingcalled the blood type diet. Have you heard ofthe blood type diet? It’s a great nutrition if youwant to lose weight and too be tired and angryat the same time. I got an appointment witha doctor who specializes in the blood type diet.I went to his office. I get undressed downto my lingerie. I get on the table and Istart singing “I Will Survive” as strident as I can. And– I’m sorry. I’m thinking ofmy 60 th birthday. I’m sorry. That was not at thedoctor’s office. But Portha and I– Portia– Portha– I announce her Portha. It’s a moniker I have. Portha. Portia and I did the same testbut we had different upshots. They both came back gay butother things were different.[ LAUGHTER] We had the gay blood. But then the other things– apparently there are 160 different types of blood, and for the two types, there arefoods that you cannot eat. And it’s very specific. You get a list. Like, you can have buckwheatbut you can’t have couscous.But somebody else can havebuckwheat and you can’t. It’s really, genuinely specific. Like, you can havelimes, but you can’t have lemons, which is my list. And which is reallytough, because now when life paws me lemons, I’m solid. For my blood assessment, it came backthat I can’t have caffeine.[ GROANING] So, yeah. So I have to change my blood.[ LAUGHTER] The favourite food thisyear is the Keto. Do you know about the Keto diet? Oh, everyone knows about it. Everyone’s trying it, I guess. It’s people who want to diet.And it sounds like it’s a DJ InLas Vegas, so it’s also cool. But, basically, whenyou’re on the Keto diet, you’re supposed to get 80% of your calories from fatty. I’m sure you know this becauseyou knew about the nutrition. And it works for somepeople– not everyone. You shouldn’t make love if youhave kidney or liver problems, or if you don’t wantto sweat butter.[ LAUGHTER] But– instead of atowel, you merely get toast and you only scratch it alongand precisely butter your food. But if you reallywant to lose weight, I know a food that’sguaranteed to work. All you have to do isdance like these people in my audience did last year. 3, 2, 1. Let go. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up.Level up. Level up. All this on me, so yummy. All this oh so appetizing. You know you demand this yummy, savory all in your paunch. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. All this on me so yummy. All this oh so appetizing. You know you demand this yummy, savory all in your potbelly. All this oh so grade, on another level. Elevate your level. Le- le- le- le- level. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. All this on me so yummy. All this oh so savory. You “ve known you” crave this appetizing, yummy all in your belly. Oh.[ APPLAUSE] Yes.

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